In my opinion, you can throw every other motivational quote in this world’s history out of the window if you choose to embrace the epicness of the following quote:
What you allow is what will continue.” -Unknown
If you think about it, what in the world could possibly be more motivational and empowering than knowing that we are always in complete control of what we allow into our lives?
I’ll even take it a step further.
I believe that if we remember this quote and live the truth in this quote on a daily basis, our lives and our world would become more positive in an instant.
But let’s be real.
Lots of people know that quote is true, but they keep allowing the same crap to flow into their lives anyway. Predictably, what will continue to faithfully show up in their lives is more of the crap that they’re trying to avoid.
Maybe you’re one of those people.
I know that I used to be. Actually, in many areas of my life, I still am that person.
I want this post to serve as your wake-up call. Scratch that, OUR wake-up call.
We’re in this together.
Effective immediately, it is time for you, me, and anyone else who is reading these words to become more mindful of what we allow into our lives.
This is too important to wait a moment longer.
What You Allow Is What Will Continue: Victor’s Story
We teach others how to treat us.” -Unknown
Remember the above quote as I tell you the following sad, but very true story (Author’s note: yes, the names have been changed).
I’m friends with a guy named Victor whose wife Felicia is brazenly cheating on him with a guy named Terrence, who she happens to work with.
Make no mistake, I’m talking about brazenly cheating.
Felicia doesn’t seem to care if Victor, or anyone else for that matter, finds out about their affair. I’ve actually spotted Felicia and Terrence together on numerous occasions. It’s pretty disturbing, to be honest.
Surprising to no one, this has obviously caused a great deal emotional pain for Victor. On numerous occasions, he has come to me in tears wondering aloud how he has failed as a husband and as a man.
To give a little back-story here, Victor is your prototypical nice guy. He has a huge heart, he is always thinking about how he can help others in any way possible, and he consistently treats everyone he meets with kindness, dignity, and respect.
Not that it matters, but he’s also a great-looking guy too. If you hung out with him for a little bit and saw how genuinely nice he is and how good-looking he is, you would think that Felicia is absolutely insane for treating him like this.
Even though all of this is true, Felicia still keeps cheating on him.
To make matter worse, this is the second time where Victor has caught his wife with her “hand in the cookie jar,” so to speak.
The first affair happened a few years ago, and immediately afterward, she begged and pleaded for him to take her back and she promised that it would never happen again.
Victor took her back less than one week after he busted her in bed with another guy.
Three years later, here we are again. Different guy, but the exact same story.
You probably know where I’m going with this, and you’d be right.
Victor has taught Felicia how treat him.
Or worded differently: because Victor is allowing it, Felicia will continue to have her affairs.
Just to be clear, I’m not saying that Victor is at fault in any way, shape, or form for his wife’s affair. Obviously, Felicia has some serious moral issues, but I don’t care about her silly ass. She’s not even worth the effort that it’s taking for me to type her name.
I care about my friend.
And as Victor’s friend, I can say without any doubt that he is allowing this behavior to continue.
What Do You Allow?
Unfortunately, there’s not much I can do to help Victor these days. That’s why this story doesn’t have a happy ending.
Not yet, anyway.
Victor discovered his wife’s affair close to a year ago. Since then he has lost an unhealthy amount of weight, he has lost his joyful spirit, and worst of all, he’s lost his self-respect.
Instead of taking any meaningful action to regain those things, he has done nothing but complain nonstop to anyone who will listen, while sending anonymous hateful emails to Terrence and continuing to spy on Felicia.
It’s sad to see what he has become.
I don’t see him much these days, but when I do see him he tells me that he feels like Felicia is going to come to her senses and see the error of her ways any day now.
You don’t even know this woman, but based on what you’ve read so far, how likely do you think that is?
I know it’s hard for him. I know that he loves Felicia. But it’s also clear that the love isn’t reciprocated. She’s taking advantage of his kind and loving nature because he’s allowing her to do so. She even smugly told him once that she knows that he’ll never leave her.
Sadly, I think that she’s right.
But let’s move on from his story for a moment and talk about you.
Be real with me. Is Victor’s story unique or can you relate to it in some way?
What crappiness are you allowing to continue in your life?
Are you allowing your significant other to treat you like a second-class citizen in your own home?
Is one of your “friends” (I’m using that term loosely) constantly taking advantage of your kindness and generosity?
Do you keep breaking up and then getting back together with your boyfriend/girlfriend after he/she promises to change and doesn’t?
Do you have a coworker or boss who consistently treats you in a condescending manner?
Are you slowly destroying your health through unhealthy habits?
Or, to put it in very simple terms–is there anyone in your life (yes, including you) who is consistently treating you like crap?
If so, the bad news is that you’re the one allowing it to continue. Yep, you.
The good news is that you can stop allowing it whenever you’re ready to do it.
So, are you ready?
It’s Not That Simple
What you allow is what will continue.” -Unknown
A few weeks ago, I saw the same epic quote posted on a very popular blog that I follow.
I was convinced that when I checked out the comments below the quote that everyone would be diggin’ the empowering nature of this quote as much as I was.
There were close to 50 comments, and most of them were a variation of “yeah, it’s not that simple.”
I hate to be blunt, but it is that simple.
- We either allow ourselves to have our kindness taken advantage of on a daily basis, or we don’t.
- We either allow ourselves to spend the rest of our lives in jobs that slowly destroy our souls, or we don’t.
- We either allow ourselves to stay in abusive and/or loveless relationships, or we don’t.
- We either believe in ourselves and our dreams, or we don’t.
- We either allow ourselves to abuse the only body that we’ll ever have, or we don’t.
- We either allow ourselves to believe our excuses about why we allow ourselves to be treated like dirt, or we don’t.
Just in case anyone is rolling their eyes right now, or muttering to him/herself “this dude doesn’t get it,” let me be painfully clear about something.
Just because it’s simple doesn’t mean that it will be easy.
If you’ve been reader of The Positivity Solution for a little while, you already know the deal.
Nothing that I will ever ask us to do will be easy.
That’s because making the world a more positive place isn’t easy. Only the serious need to apply for this gig.
The decision to honor ourselves is a simple one. However, in order to make that decision a reality, it will require some very hard work.
In fact, it may be the hardest thing that we’ll ever do in our lives. Mainly because doing so will mean that we’ll have to completely reject our excuses.
Let’s revisit Victor for a minute.
His #1 reason for sticking it out with Felicia is because of their kids. That’s a legitimate excuse, right?
I personally know of a lot of people who have stayed in miserable, loveless, and even abusive relationships that they should have left years ago, but they stayed in those relationships solely because of their kids.
Victor is well on his way to becoming another one of those sad souls.
This excuse deserves some serious rethinking. Given the choice, isn’t it much better for kids to come from a broken home rather than live in one?
These days, Victor and Felicia spend their days either giving each other the ice-cold silent treatment, screaming/cursing at each other, or sleeping in separate rooms.
I’m not a child psychologist, but in my opinion, kids are much more aware of these things than we give them credit for, and subjecting them to that kind of environment repeatedly on a daily basis can’t be the healthiest thing in the world.
Victor has done everything in his power to make this work. He has dragged Felicia to marriage counseling, spiritual advisors, couples yoga–you name it and it has failed. Felicia still keeps cheating on him and will likely continue to do so.
Equally as bad (or worse), Victor keeps making excuses for a woman who is potentially bringing STDs into their home while she jeopardizes the emotional well-being of their kids with her selfishness.
In the end, like Victor, we can dream up as many excuses as we want, and we actually might even end up believing a few of those excuses too.
Unfortunately, there is not an excuse in this world’s history that can change the unshakable truthfulness of this quote.
“What we allow is what will continue.”
It may take a lot of work to cut out the toxic people in our lives and honor and love ourselves unconditionally–but even if it is hard work, it can’t be any harder than allowing ourselves to be consistently treated like dirt each and every day, right?
Don’t overcomplicate this for another second.
Honoring yourself is simpler than you think.
The Pain of Never Again
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. The gift of life is yours. It’s an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.” – Dan Zadra
If you’re currently allowing yourself to experience a life that is less than what you know that you deserve, it’s worth it to ask yourself this very difficult, and non-sugarcoated, question:
What will it take for you to no longer to accept the scraps of what life has to offer?
Believe me, I mean that as lovingly as possible. I had that question asked to me a few years ago and it woke me up from years (yes, years) of making excuses instead of taking ownership over my life.
How many years are we willing to lose–years that we will never get back, mind you–dealing with mindless drama, emotional abuse, disrespect, or something far worse on a consistent basis?
Allow me to give you a warning from my personal experience.
Please believe that if you continue to allow yourself to be treated like shit, you will eventually be introduced to the agonizing Pain of Never Again.
If you don’t know what that pain is, you should. This pain will change your life for the better, but it will hurt unlike any emotional pain that you’ve ever experienced in your life.
The good news is that once you experience this life-altering pain, there is no excuse in the world that will stop you from doing the right thing.
I know a woman with less than $100 to her name at the time, who packed up her kids in the middle of the night while her abusive husband was asleep, and walked with them in complete darkness to a nearby shelter.
Was that easy for her? Hell no, it wasn’t.
But she’ll be the first to tell you that once she felt the Pain of Never Again (in this instance, her now ex-husband shoving her youngest child against a wall in a drunken rage), there was no excuse in the universe that was going to stop her from doing the right thing. The level of perceived difficulty became irrelevant in a hurry.
I have many examples of this in my life too.
I endured a very dark period in my life where I allowed terrible treatment to continue at my job for far too long, and my soul completely died (thankfully, temporarily) in the process.
One morning after a particularly scary moment during my drive to the office, I felt the Pain of Never Again and immediately decided to quit that soul-decaying job with no income and practically no money in savings.
Was it hard? You bet your ass it was.
To this day, drawing a line in the sand and refusing to allow myself to be treated in a sub-human manner for another minute was one of the most life-altering decisions that I have ever made.
Doormat or Not: The Choice Is Yours
So, do we have to experience the Pain of Never Again in order to make meaningful changes in our lives?
Absolutely not. Believe me, that’s the hard way.
The much easier way is to remember this quote. Or more specifically, live this quote:
What you allow is what will continue.”
I’ll even take it to the next level.
“What we allow is what we encourage.”
Even worse, “What we allow is what we enforce.”
Not only will the soul-decaying treatment continue if we keep allowing it, but by allowing it, we’re actively encouraging and enforcing the soul-decaying treatment to continue.
Remember, you can’t be anyone’s doormat unless you’re willing to lie down.
There will come a day when we’ll decide to stop believing in our excuses, but this day will only happen when we’re ready. Here’s a quick test to see how close you are to getting there:
If you are still willing to believe that your excuses are a valid justification for being treated like crap, then you’re not ready.
To Victor, and anyone else who is dealing with consistently terrible treatment from another person in your life, your best life is a decision away.
We can either embrace our excuses, or we can embrace our best lives.
But we can’t do both.
So, what’s it going to be?
Have you ever found the courage to stop allowing yourself to be treated horribly by someone else? Is there an area of your life where you are allowing yourself to ensure things that you know that you shouldn’t? If so, jump into the comments below and make your voice heard!
Are you tired of dealing with the bullies and jerks at your job, and ready to join the new workplace positivity movement? That’s good, because change is coming, my friend. If you’re ready to join the movement to change how we treat each other at work, reserve your copy of Making Work Work, today! Order link on Amazon.com