No Excuse For Rudeness

No excuse for rudeness

Enough with the lame excuses. Rudeness is NOT okay.

Rudeness is the weak person’s imitation of strength.” -Unknown

I’m just going to come out and say it:

Rudeness is not okay.

I find it interesting that when most people read the previous sentence, they either have one of two reactions:

1) They agree with the fact that rudeness is not okay.

2) They try to come up with excuses for when rudeness would be okay.

One option makes complete logical sense, while the other option is unspeakably lame and does nothing to make this world a more positive place (I’m sure you know which one is which.)

I actually just looked this up, but according to Merriam-Webster, being rude is officially defined as “not having or showing concern or respect for the rights and feelings of other people.”

Let’s be honest, is there ever a time where not having respect for the rights and feelings other people is okay? Are there really people out there who try to justify treating another human being with disrespect?

To answer those questions respectively: “No” and “Yes.”

That’s why I’m writing this blog post.

Many of you know that I’m locked in on my goal of creating a nicer world, and I know that it will never happen as long as people think that it’s okay to treat other people like crap.

Do I seriously think that I can drastically reduce the amount of rudeness in this world?

Actually, I do.

Will it be easy? Probably not. But one thing that you probably know about me by now is that I’m not the kind of guy who will back down just because the goal is difficult.

No one said that this “eliminating rudeness” stuff would be easy, right?

Let’s get to it.

Seriously, There’s No Excuse For Rudeness

I know that rudeness is fairly subjective, and I’m definitely not going to lay out the millions of different ways that people can be rude in this blog post. To keep it simple, it’s similar to what the late Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said when he tried to define pornography:

“I know it when I see it.”

Sure, we may all have different ideas of what it means to be rude, but in general, most of us know exactly what rudeness is when we see it. And if we’re being honest, we probably see it, and contribute to it, more often than we should.

Even worse is the fact that many people make excuses for their rudeness, and to me, that is the real problem that needs to come to an immediate end.

Here are some very common excuses for rudeness that I’m sure you’ve heard before:

“Hey, what do you expect? I haven’t had my coffee yet.”

“I’m having a bad day.”

“This guy was being a jerk to me, so I had to curse him out. No one is going to disrespect me.”

“My team got destroyed last night and I’m still pissed about it.”

“I’m not a morning person, ok?”

“I can’t help it. Being hot-tempered is something that runs in my family.”

“I’m on a tight deadline to get this project done.”

“I know that (insert person here) was rude. He just doesn’t know any better.”

Seriously???

If you’re reading this and you’re sincerely interested in making this world a more positive place, we’re going to have to raise the bar from the pathetic excuses for rudeness that I just listed above in quotations.

Excluding 1) a legitimate mental illness, 2) recently receiving life-altering news (e.g., being diagnosed with a serious illness, death of a loved one, being laid off from your job, a medical emergency, etc.), or 3) your physical safety is being intentionally threatened, there is no reasonable excuse for a grown-ass man or woman to be rude to another person.

None whatsoever.

The department store cashier refusing to honor your expired coupon or the fact that you’re not a morning person, doesn’t come within a million miles of qualifying as legitimate reasons.

Please keep it real with me. If there’s a legitimate reason to be rude to someone else that I’m missing, or if anyone deeply wants to defend their right to “not have concern or respect for the rights and feelings of other people,” I’m open to hearing it.

But if that’s where you want to focus your energy, then I hate to say this, but you’re probably a part of the problem.

As far as I’m concerned, barring the extreme examples mentioned above, rudeness is never okay.

Never.

This Isn’t About Being Perfect

There’s one excuse for rudeness that I haven’t mentioned yet, and it is by far the most common:

“Look, no one is perfect. We all have our bad moments. It’s a part of life.”

I couldn’t agree more with that.

One of the biggest misconceptions about writing a blog about positivity is that people seem to think that I’m immune from having bad days and that I’m incapable of being rude. Trust me, neither is close to being true.

Believe me, I have bad days. I have days where I don’t have the energy to be positive as I would like. I have days where I’m rude to other people. That’s real.

I’m very aware that no one is perfect, and that’s why I’m not asking for perfection. Here’s what I am asking for:

If we are rude to someone else, we must have the maturity and sensibility as grown adults to quickly check ourselves and sincerely apologize for our rudeness instead of making lame excuses for it.

There’s no excuse not to do this.

This is a topic that’s worth another blog post of its own, but for the life of me, I cannot understand people who lack the ability or willingness to apologize after they’ve made a mistake. Unfortunately, in some cases I know that this is usually due to a lack of awareness, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s just another lame excuse to avoid the adult responsibility of fully owning the effect of our words and our actions on others.

I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again: Consistently taking your anger out on people (especially those who don’t deserve it) when you’re having a bad day is the lowest form of emotional maturity. As bad as that is, it’s 1,000,000 times worse if you don’t immediately apologize for doing so and take steps to prevent against it happening again.

We’re all going to have bad days, we’re all going to have days when we snap at people, we’re all going to be rude to others. This is a very real part of the human experience because none of us are perfect.

Since that’s undeniably true, here’s the question that must be answered after it happens:

Will we take action to own our rude behavior by sincerely apologizing for it, or will we just make excuses for it?

Rudeness Hurts

If you’ve ever been on the wrong side of rudeness, you know that it has the power to ruin your day, put you in a terrible mood, and in extreme instances, destroy your faith in mankind.

That’s why I’m looking to each of us to raise our game a little bit. We can’t continue to let our moods determine our manners.

You will have a morning where you don’t get your morning coffee. There will be a time where the waiter gets your dinner order wrong for whatever reason. It’s possible that you might come from a family of yellers and screamers.

I don’t care.

Rudeness hurts. And as much as you might believe that you’re justified in the moments where you don’t have to “have respect for the rights and feelings of other people,” chances are that you’re not.

I’m not saying that you need to give a loving hug to a rude and disinterested customer service rep, a person just who cut you off in traffic, or a bully coworker who is making your life a living hell (although, you could argue that they all probably need one.)

What I am saying is that if we stay at the emotional kiddie table of life by “fighting fire with fire” at the first sign of rudeness, the world will never positively change.

It’s time to move past the misguided idea that the only way to deal with rudeness is with more rudeness.

It is always an option to deal with any form of rudeness firmly, respectfully, and with civility without being as rude and insensitive as they are being to us.

Equally as important, it is also always an option to apologize quickly and sincerely when we’re rude to other people.

It may not be easy, but you have to admit, it is a pretty simple concept.

This isn’t about everyone else changing. The world will only change once we change. And one of the biggest ways to make it happen quickly is to stop making excuses for the inexcusable.

Rudeness is not okay.

As I said earlier, there are only two reactions to the previous sentence:

“So true, there is no excuse for rudeness,” or “Well, I still think it’s perfectly fine to be rude when…”

Just know this–only one of those responses has the power to positively change the world.

Your Turn

Do you believe that there’s no excuse for rudeness? Do you think that too many people make excuses for their rudeness? Do you believe that rudeness is okay? Either way, jump into the comments below and make your voice heard!

Shola

Shola

Founder of The Positivity Solution
Author, keynote speaker, and kindness extremist who is committed to changing the world by helping as many people as possible to live and work with more positivity.
Shola
Shola

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Comments

  1. Shola,

    You know where I stand! There is not an excuse. Excuses are not a good thing anyway! How about we just make the changes and then we won’t need excuses? 😉

    I had a sort of a rough weekend, in that I really felt out of sorts. It took most of the weekend to figure out why. It was because of a few specific people in my life who are hell-bent on explaining away rudeness.

    I was letting their ridiculous opinion upset me and steal my joy.

    The fact that it took me all weekend is probably because I am very empathetic. I tend to take people at their word and I truly listen with the intent of hearing. The down side of being that way is that I tend to focus on their emotions and pain without recognizing where it is really coming from.

    The turning point for me came when I finally said to one of them (after they repeated again why they chose to be cynical) , “I realize that you feel that way. I respectfully disagree. I choose forgiveness and will do whatever I can to avoid cynicism.”

    Guess what they said after that?

    Nothing. Not a thing. I took the power of them being able to affect my emotions away! I acknowledged that I was listening, but I did not react or engage in their ridiculous rationalizations any more.

    I am feeling much better today!

    I wish you knew just how much you are blessing people. I know that your Monday blog has gotten me through many a difficult or challenging moments. Please, keep on doing what you are doing.

    Rude people beware…. we are on to you and we’re not going to take it any more!!!

    Happy Monday!!! <3 Kathy

    • I absolutely LOVE that response, Kathy! It’s no surprise that they didn’t have much of a comeback after that. Some people are hellbent on explaining away their bad behavior instead of owning it and taking steps to fix it, and to me that’s incredibly sad. I actually know many people like that too, and to be honest, it was the motivation behind this post. The world will only improve once we release the emotionally immature idea that it’s okay to be an ass to other people. It’s NOT okay and hopefully this post will help to get the conversation started. Thanks for your kind words my friend, and you can count on me being here for as long as you’ll have me!

  2. Hola Shola >> just coz it rhymes with it 🙂

    I totally agree with your point of view, especially when you say that each one of us must have had a time when one felt the need to be rude with others. It’s one thing to be rude, and it’s another to realize that’s it’s a wrong attitude. But what if you found yourself forced to carry on someone else’s responsibility without your willingness, and as a result you snapped on them because of it, do you consider yourself rude? or it’s just that your are defending your rights of refusing to be used unwillingly?!

    I need to ask for your advice on something if I may. I have been over-attached to the past lately, with all the “negative” thoughts of it being a little too late to achieve or start something which should have been done years ago and that, I deeply regret sometimes. On one hand I try to stay positive most of the time, and on the other’s I believe that “acting” positive all the time will cause the negatives to explode at one point if I kept ignoring it. I know it sounds depressing but I’m sure it’s just a phase in life and I’ll grow out of it, I just need to seek the guidance and be inspired by the philosophy and wisdom of people like yourself. I’d pretty much appreciate it if you gave me your thoughts on that and how do YOU deal with them if you ever had such thoughts!

    Wow, feels that I’ve taken too much space :/
    Really appreciate it Shola 🙂
    Much Regards,,,
    Tareq

    • Tareq, f I could only get a dollar for everytime a person started a sentence with “Hola Shola…” 🙂

      I definitely believe that you can always defend your rights without being rude. More importantly to me is the fact that you’re allowing yourself to be used unwillingly. Of course, I don’t know all of the details of your situation, but I’d put 100% of my effort and attention into fixing that situation ASAP. As for your second point, positivity isn’t ignoring the negatives–there’s actually nothing positive about that at all. Positivity is about acknowledging the “negatives” in our lives, and taking real action to make them better. I totally agree with you–acting positive while pushing your true feelings down will only cause you to explode. I’ve found that there’s a lot of usefulness in trying to understand why we’re feeling negative thoughts (jealousy, anger, sadness, etc.) and once we understand what’s causing it, only then can we take action to fix it. Of course, I’m not a therapist by any stretch of the imagination, but I can only report what has worked for me. Good luck, my man!

  3. Another great post Shola! I really, really like this one a lot. I’m a big believer in common courtesy, especially with people who work in service jobs and just people you run in to every day. You never know when your smile is going to be the thing that brightens their day. As far as people being rude to me, my strategy is to “kill them with kindness”. I find that it makes me feel better and it usually makes them check themselves. Of course, I am human too, and sometimes that just doesn’t work out. One thing I need to check myself on is not taking things out on my husband. Sometimes I notice myself being irritated with him for no reason, and then I realize I am taking my stress out on him. Why do we always do that to the ones who love us most?

    Have a wonderful week!

    Spring

    • Spring, I cannot agree more with you about the smile thing. It’s amazing how much a simple smile can have such a profound impact on turning around someone’s day. Back in the day when I worked in retail, it meant so much to me see a customer walk into my store with a smile instead of with a scowl on his/her face. As for taking out your stress on your husband, you’re not alone–that’s why I wanted to include it. Too many people take out their stress and bad days on the people who love them the most, and it’s a damaging cycle that can have devastating effects (I’ve been on both sides of it.) As they say “practice makes permanent,” and that’s why it’s a habit that’s worth breaking sooner rather than later. Thanks for keeping it real, Spring!

  4. Terron A Harden says:

    Thank you.

  5. I try very hard not to be rude, but I used to be rude, when I first started using a wheelchair a LOT of people stares, people I didn’t know would stare, and I became invisable. People would ask whoever I was with, how I was, as if being in a wheelchair made me deaf and mute. People would barge into the wheelchair with the ‘oops I didn’t see you there’ I’m ashamed to admit I was plain rude to these people, it doesn’t matter that they were rude first, 2 wrongs don’t ever make a right. So now I make a conscious effort to be a lot more polite. It makes ME feel better, it make ME feel like a better person. So now if people stare I smile back, if people want to ask someone else, well that’s fine too. Another great, thought provoking post Shola. I honestly believe that if we are all nicer, more polite people then hopefully others will be too 🙂

    • Tessa, I seriously need to apologize for those people who did those things to you. I mean, seriously…what in the world is wrong with people?? Truthfully, I don’t blame you for responding initially with rudeness in response to them–as I said, we’re only human. More importantly though, you found the ability to combat their blatant rudeness with compassion and kindness, and THAT is the goal that I think that we should all strive toward. Most importantly, you said that it makes you feel better when you do that, and to me, that’s what it’s truly all about. Props to you Tessa–I know that I’ve told you this numerous times, but you’re an inspiration that we all have a lot to learn from 🙂

  6. Another great post, Shola! Maybe, like me, you noticed that the internet is a really angry place right now. I can’t tell if the whole country was hung over from Superbowl parties yesterday, if the are really THAT many upset Broncos fans, if people have cabin fever, or what. I was letting it get to me until I remembered that I could close the computer, listen to some music, and work on a project. As my boyfriend likes to say “There are no victims, just volunteers.” I was volunteering to be pissed off and eventually start being rude myself. But I stopped. 🙂

    • Maria believe me, I know what you mean! There are a lot of angry people on the internet these days and I think that it’s because it’s so easy to be a jerk online. You can be anonymous and hide behind a computer screen like a coward to say things that you wouldn’t dream of saying to someone’s face. You know, it could be a Super Bowl hangover because unless you’re a Seahawks fan, you’re either pissed that the Broncos lost or that football season is officially over. Your point is the best one though–you can always walk away, put on some music, and leave all of that drama in your rear view mirror. Like you said (and trust me, I’ve been there!), what’s the point in volunteering to be pissed off? Well said as always, my friend!

  7. Thanks for being love 🙂
    For me I wish to be in a place where I’m not rude (in fact – loving) even after receiving devestating news or when facing personal immediate physical safety threats. I’m not there yet but your post encourages me and I hope I encourage others.

  8. Truth! There is absolutely NO excuse for rudeness. I’m far from perfect. I have my times when I get snappy. However, I’ve learned to own up to my mistake and apologize. I have even had to apologize to my son a time or two.

    Thank you, again, for your amazing words!

    “Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude.” ~Maurice Baring

  9. My grandmother is rude to me virtually all the time. I try really hard to ignore her words. In my eyes ”rudeness is just a way of expressing dissactifaction with one’s self.

  10. My brother-in-law’s wife (my husband’s older brother) is constantly rude. She is worse when she drinks which is frequently when we are together (not very often, thankfully) at a family function. Whenever I say something she always says “oh, I didn’t see you there”. We were at my son’s wedding and she introduced her husband as the groom’s uncle and my husband as the groom’s father and totally ignored ME, the groom’s mother. I very politely introduced myself. She is a brainless idiot. What do I say to reply to her rudeness?

  11. Rudeness is not okay, but neither is labelling justified criticism and or complaints as rude in order to dismiss and neutralise another person. In fact, it is worse than rude. Someone you offend or hurt, if they are honest, is not going to smile.

  12. Veronica Dichoso says:

    I love your article about being rudeness. You pointed out so clearly the truth. Thank you.

  13. I actually came across this post after an argument that I had.

    I spoke with a person about a few things and whenever he brought up something that wasn’t relevant to what we spoke about, I simply ignored it. That caused him to say that I was misunderstanding. He laughed at the language barrier between us, just because he happened to be better at English than me (I’m Swedish). He laughed at me for not knowing enough English, thus he said I was the only one who misunderstood. He started to make fun of me, saying that he hoped beyond all hope that I finally understood. I did, but he kept in saying that I was misunderstanding all the time. He said he was pretty much superior than me in English. Turns out, he was a native English speaker. He basically compared himself to me, a non-native English speaker, who’s first language and native language is Swedish.

    I said he was being pretty rude and that what he said made me lose any respect for him. He said it was okay for him to say that because it was the TRUTH.
    Yes, it was the truth, but that doesn’t mean you can be rude or mean to someone. It’s like saying to someone that you’re better at drawing with your left hand, when the other person wasn’t born left handed.

    I find great comfort in your post after this fight, as I was pretty devastated and hurt by his words. I know that I’m not that good at English and I’ll probably never reach a native level. Before he posted those rude things and comalred his English level to me, I actually apologized for not being clear in my post. I apologized for my wording, the misunderstandings and for starting the whole argument. Then he posted that comment and I just felt my emotions pouring I over the edge.

    Honest and truth, isn’t an excuse to be a compete jerk to other people.

  14. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this; I never understood why people think “I’m having a bad day” is an excuse to be rude to others, even those who are trying to help. It is totally illogical, and from my experience very harmful in a professional environment. If I were a boss I’d have words with people who acted in this way.

  15. Cheryle L Tebor says:

    this past weekend my Goddaughter got married. Her mother and I have been best friends for. 20 years. I spent three whole days at her house being intricately inVolved in all the making of the decorations, planning the ceremony, bought the unity candle, spent Hundreds of dollars of my own money, helped plan the music and the wording of the ceremony. I then then styled my godchilds hair for the wedding and made plans to be at the church by noon the day off the wedding to do the bride, her sister, the mother and a friend hair for the ceremony. Then I went home and spent 48 hours straight making the hair piece and the veil for my Goddaughter. I got six hours of sleep then got up at.4.the morning of the wedding to get everything done and be at the church on time. My Godchild text me at.10:30 to say she would be there at noon. The while wedding party was at another salon getting their hair done. At 10:30 the mother my best friends text to see how I was doing. I told her I was stressed, running a little late but I would call her when I got on the road. After that, she decided that I would be too late and they all had their hair done at the salon. I arrived on time and no one was there. When they got there at 1, is when I realize I wasn’t even needed or wanted. Nobody ever bothered to call me and let me know any of this. Nobody thought it might be Nice for me to know I didn’t have to kill myself being there for anything. I could have taken my time, has the chance to go get the dress I really wanted to wear, spend the day with my family at the hotel pool, relax and take a much needed nap. All this and nobody even spoke to me when they showed up . What I got when I decided I was so hurt and angry that I was leaving was an excuse. She was too wrapped up in everything going on to call me. Seriously!! Bull SHIT!! How hard is it to text me while your getting your hair done at 10:30 to tell me never mind. But, you see, I had that veil and hair piece and THAT she needed. As if I would be so Disgusting as not to bring it to them because they changed their minds. After all that, I was seated in the way back, by the bar away from everyone and ignored the entire night. To this day I’ve not received any apology and because I wouldn’t make nice I am now the bar guy for being so insensitive to her having all this wedding to plan and I want happy with how I was treated. I would have NEVER done that to her, to anyone. The best part, my husband took her side, I didn’t matter, this wasn’t about me, get over it. Lovely

  16. This is the first post I have read by you Shola. It was amazing. It opened my eyes and has changed the way I plan to move forward with my interactions towards my loved ones. I was one of the people that thought I could combat rudeness with more rudeness. My romantic relationship struggled because of it. My family and friends felt the effects of it. This revealed to me that there is a simple solution. Say sorry, sincerely, when I am rude, and be aware of how I am feeling and if my next few actions and words will disrespect whoever it is that I am dealing with. Thank you, and you have a very interested new follower.

  17. Simple act of kindness says:

    Hello Shola,
    I was rude to a customer this morning. They were suppose to come in through an xray but instead took a shortcut around it and so I snapped. “No! You are to go through the x-ray not around it!” After awhile, I waited for them to finish their business, then I walked up to them and apologized, “I’m sorry I was rude.” The customer simply smiled and replied “Thank you!”

    I love your post Shola.
    Simple act of kindness 🙂

  18. Cindy bunch says:

    Great article, I just Googled about people being more rude nowadays and came across your article. Great job! It’s so sad to see society going downhill, day after day I see things people do that to me is so rude. When you’re in your car it only takes a second to park right, so as not blocking the next car trying to get out, when you’re just sitting there sipping on coffee while someone behind can get through in a parking lot. And do you really have to throw your garbage out the window? I don’t know what’s in the bags so I have to swerve my car to avoid hitting it. Not to mention polluting gods earth. Throwing your cigarette butt out the window, knowing there’s a fire ban in place, tailgating you–those are just a few examples that involves a vehicles. It’s just sad nowadays nobody has any regard to the next person’s feelings. People in society need to slow down and think before they act, but unfortunately they seem not to care anymore.

  19. Shola, I 100% agree with everything in this article (and a lot of the other articles I’ve read on this website). It feels great to see that I’m not the only one who thinks it’s silly that people constantly try to justify bringing other people down. That, and you’ve completely inspired me to be more conscious of my actions towards other people. I look forward to reading more articles 🙂

  20. I’m encouraged to “meet” others who are committed to checking the onslaught of rude, purposely hurtful behavior that is flooding our culture. Bravo to anyone–parents, friends, corporate trainers…–brave enough to discourage rudeness. As I understand the problem, a historic ideological trend in Westernism is towards greater personal autonomy. In the US, freedom-of-speech-and-expression encapsulates this principle. I don’t believe support for free speech and expression justifies or even excuses uncivil behavior. However, there is no natural or legal reason people must be civil. In fact, the concept of “civil” evolves, and the majority, despite cultural pressures to believe some things or to act certain ways, will choose to act in ways they enjoy and that by dint of these choices’ frequencies the behaviors become a new normal.

    I hope you’re successful in nudging the world towards a less rude space. Reading online comments and participating in online discussions, to say nothing of the broad cultural changes of even in-person interactions, has become so tedious that many of us have just stopped getting involved. Maybe the relative loss of consequence for what we say online has facilitated a cultural shift towards more rude behavior. But I’m confident that people are aware of their rude behavior and find it pleasing (to themselves). And in the spirit of personal autonomy, in the absence of sufficiently costly potential consequences, humans will generally continue doing what pleases them, regardless the destructive effects on others. Cross-cultural anthropological and historical assessments bear this out.

    Best of luck with your mission. A less rude culture would, for many of us, foster a deeper integration into our broader communities, and that, I think, would carry a net benefit.

  21. I really liked this article. It doesn’t make excuses for bad behavior.

    Sometimes I read other articles which make as much sense, but then throws me off when the writer states that we should “have compassion” for those being rude. No, what they should do is look at themselves and change their behavior, because they would not like it being done to them.

    A popular excuse is: “That’s just how I am”, or “That’s just how he or she is”. Really? There’s always room for improvement, and if rudeness and bad behavior is “how you are”, then you’re gonna end up pretty much alone.

    One other popular excuse that I can’t stand is “That’s their culture”. Why is rudeness anyone’s culture? I call it not knowing any better, and not caring enough to learn about other people. All of us should respect each other, and educate ourselves in good behavior. When another culture behaves badly, such as flat out staring, no one should say well, that’s their culture, it’s not rude to stare for them. Bull. It’s called ignorance. They were never taught that this is unacceptable behavior by their elders.

    There used to be a time when rudeness was not so prevalent as it is now. It seems to have increased so much, people are no longer ashamed of it. As a matter of fact, many are being raised that kindness and simple courtesy are weaknesses, and being an a jerk is something to be proud of. Many older people have thrown manners out the window, and parents are raising kids without teaching them respect for others.

    It is very frustrating when you feel like the normal person in an insane asylum.

  22. Hmmmmmm, this really got me thinking. I’ve been on both sides of rudeness, in my past and present, unfortunately.

    Until recently, I used to think that the only way to fight fire (which, until very recently, was a DAILY occurrence) with rude fire. But in the end, it doesn’t matter who wins that fire fight, in the end, you’ll still get burned. Really REALLY badly. And nobody likes being burned….

    I’m gonna save this article and reread it when I’m having a bad day, so I can remind myself of this golden truth

  23. I decided long ago that I didn’t have the right to offend anyone. My big thing in life is not offending anyone. I get much more from life because I choose to be nice. My life, my choice. Thank you for your beautiful take on rudeness. I love it.👍🌈

  24. My mom always uses being an adult as an excuse(II am a teen) and I’ve never really understood this… Like does being older than me give you the right to hurt my feelings and it be Okay because “I’m the adult” I don’t know but I feel this is just unfair that adults always use this excuse. -Z

  25. Hi. What about if you tried to be there for a friend the best you can & the only way you know, with intentions of good feelings, but they respond to you with rudeness because they’re grieving? I’m still a human being. Her respond still hurt me. Is it ok that she hurt me with rudeness when I just tried to be there for her the only way I know how?

  26. CurbChain says:

    When people don’t make an effort to interact or be sociable in a social situation, why do other people always try to find an excuse or explanation other than the obvious, “they’re being rude”? I hear all kinds of excuses, “They’re shy”, “They don’t know anyone”, “They were having a bad day”, etc. If you are a grown adult and in a social situation the whole idea is to interact and converse, NOT stand by yourself and make minimal conversation. I’m tired of others making excuses and not calling it for what it is.

  27. Neville Ontong says:

    I am a wife and mother brought up to approach others directly when I need to say or inquire something of another especially those who are my seniors. I did not rear my children but they were in my husband, s co. most of the day while growing up.
    My problem is that all three of them have the regular habit of calling me to them. I readily oblige, but if I am not able to promptly go and attend, they carry on speaking to me and become annoyed when I haven, t heard what they had to say and have to repeat and my daughter, 29y.o. will even say, “NEVER MIND.”
    On ocassion i deliberately decide to ignore calls and conversations from elsewhere in my home…but now I am told,”but I told you the other day” and “you’re forgetful” and “you’re deaf.” I am 60 y.o and have had hearing tests that proved normal.
    Surely this is rudeness. What do I do ? Disrespect, inconsideration and rudeness toward me make me feel helpless, sad and really down on myself.
    Please help.
    Cathy Ontong. Cape Town .SA.

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