GUEST POST: How To Deal With The Loss Of Your Best Friend

loss

Some friendships don’t last forever (Image Source: Pixabay)

Shola’s Note: Hey Solutionists! In my effort to introduce you to some amazing people who are working hard to make this world a more positive place, I have a treat for you! On this month’s Solutionist Spotlight, I have the honor of presenting professional self-development and personal growth writer, Mike Jones. Without further ado, here’s Mike!

I think we don’t talk often enough about what it is like to lose your best friend.

Not in some catastrophic, dramatic way, but just slowly drifting apart, until one day, you realize they are completely gone, even though they’re standing right next to you.

In pop culture, losing a loved one almost invariably means losing the person you are romantically involved with. Best friends always patch things up in the movies, even if their relationship goes south at some during the story. But in real life, that doesn’t always happen.

And I can tell you for a fact, dealing with this sort of loss is hard. [Read more…]

 

You’re Going to Die Soon

Consider this to be a much-needed reminder.

Don’t die with your music still inside you.” -Dr. Wayne Dyer

Last week, during my radio tour to promote my new book, Making Work Work, one of the radio hosts asked me an interesting question off the air, prior to our interview:

“Writing a book is a grind, isn’t it? What kept you motivated to keep writing it when it would have been so much easier just to procrastinate or quit?”

Without hesitation, I had an answer–and I think that it surprised him.

“Because I’m going to die soon.”

<Awkward pause>

“Um, whoa…I didn’t know that. Are you sick?” The host asked sheepishly.

“No, actually, I’ve never felt better,” I replied, “but honestly, that could change in an instant. It may sound morbid, but I keep my mortality in mind every day to ensure that I don’t die with my music still inside of me. That’s what kept me showing up to write when I felt like quitting.” (Side note: my response will make more sense if you’ve read the Introduction of my book).

Yes, paradoxically it’s the thought of death that keeps me alive. [Read more…]

 

Addition By Subtraction

Addition by Subtraction

Sometimes, it’s best to walk away.

Have you ever dealt with an incredibly difficult person before?

I know, I know. Ridiculous question, right? Of course you have.

I bet that it was a miserable experience, wasn’t it?

I believe that one of the hardest things that we have to endure in our lives is dealing with difficult people. In fact, it’s so tough that I even wrote a free guide to help you navigate through the challenges of it (if interested, you can get it instantly by subscribing to The Positivity Solution.)

In this post, I’m going to take it a step further.

Specifically, I’m going to talk about the people who are, without a doubt, the worst of the worst. While it’s true that difficult people are fairly common, the people that I’m about to mention, thankfully, are very rare.

I’m talking about toxic people.

These folks are dangerous and have the power to destroy your life if they are not dealt with swiftly.

The only way to deal with these people is to fully embrace the “addition by subtraction” philosophy.

I can promise you that using this technique when it comes to dealing with toxic people will positively change your life in ways that you wouldn’t even imagine. [Read more…]

 

What Are You Willing to Give Up?

Young beautiful woman relaxing in hammock in a tropical resort.back view

You might have to give this up, especially if you really want your dream.

With the debut of my first book, Making Work Work, less than 30 days away (woohoo!), I’ve been asked a lot of questions about the book-writing process.

I was thinking about writing a blog post to specifically answer those questions, but I don’t want to bore the good folks reading this who have zero interest in writing a book (and I wouldn’t blame them!) But seriously, if anyone is interested in the nuts and bolts of the process, I’d be happy to write about it one day.

Until then, let’s talk about the part of the process that affects everyone. It’s the advice that I wish knew prior to starting, and as usual in my life, it’s advice that I ended up learning the hard way:

If you want to achieve your life’s dream, you must make peace with the fact that you’re going to have to give up something in order to achieve it. [Read more…]

 

Being a Fraud: Dealing With the Impostor Syndrome

Lonely young man outside at house balcony looking depressed destroyed sad and suffering emotional crisis and grief on an urban background

Do you think that you’ve fooled the world into believing that you’re smart and capable? Then you might suffer from the Impostor Syndrome.

Have you felt it before?

The sinking feeling that you’ve been fooling everyone into thinking that you’re better, smarter and more qualified than you really are?

If so, there’s an official name for this issue.

This insidious mind virus is known as The Impostor Syndrome, and here’s an excellent definition of it, courtesy of Fast Company:

Impostor syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to see their own accomplishments, dismissing them as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.”

The good news is that if you’re thinking that you’re alone in feeling like a fraud–you’re not. I’m right there with you.

Here’s my story, and more importantly, here’s how we can win the fight against Impostor Syndrome, starting today. [Read more…]

 

Love or Fear: The Choice That’s Facing America (and the World)

Sad lonely patriot woman sitting down with the american flag wrapped around her. Deployment military life and relationship concept

Love or Fear–what’s it going to be, America?

This has been a pretty brutal summer.

In the past seven days, we have seen the police kill two men in an incomprehensible manner. We have seen five police officers killed in cold blood in the line of duty. We have watched race relations disintegrate, anger and mistrust reach a fever pitch, and blame for the world’s problems being slung around like Halloween candy on social media pages.

Regardless of who you are, the unfortunate reality that we all share is that we are currently living in a world with far more questions than answers.

And, as a black man who writes about positivity, quite a few people have hit me up in the past few days to ask me for answers to these very tough questions.

Most of them were a variation of this one:

“The world is circling the drain right now. What can we do to make a positive change in the face of such unrelenting negativity?”

I have an answer.

The problem with my answer is that many people won’t have the guts, resilience and mental toughness to even try it once they hear what it is. Which is completely fine, because I’m not writing this for them anyway.

For the rest of us, read on. [Read more…]