Being a Fraud: Dealing With the Impostor Syndrome

Lonely young man outside at house balcony looking depressed destroyed sad and suffering emotional crisis and grief on an urban background

Do you think that you’ve fooled the world into believing that you’re smart and capable? Then you might suffer from the Impostor Syndrome.

Have you felt it before?

The sinking feeling that you’ve been fooling everyone into thinking that you’re better, smarter and more qualified than you really are?

If so, there’s an official name for this issue.

This insidious mind virus is known as The Impostor Syndrome, and here’s an excellent definition of it, courtesy of Fast Company:

Impostor syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to see their own accomplishments, dismissing them as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.”

The good news is that if you’re thinking that you’re alone in feeling like a fraud–you’re not. I’m right there with you.

Here’s my story, and more importantly, here’s how we can win the fight against Impostor Syndrome, starting today. [Read more…]

 

Love or Fear: The Choice That’s Facing America (and the World)

Sad lonely patriot woman sitting down with the american flag wrapped around her. Deployment military life and relationship concept

Love or Fear–what’s it going to be, America?

This has been a pretty rough week.

In the past seven days, we have seen the police kill two men in an incomprehensible manner. We have seen five police officers killed in cold blood in the line of duty. We have watched race relations disintegrate, anger and mistrust reach a fever pitch, and blame for the world’s problems being slung around like Halloween candy on social media pages.

Regardless of who you are, the unfortunate reality that we all share is that we are currently living in a world with far more questions than answers.

And, as a black man who writes about positivity, quite a few people have hit me up in the past few days to ask me for answers to these very tough questions.

Most of them were a variation of this one:

“The world is circling the drain right now. What can we do to make a positive change in the face of such unrelenting negativity?”

I have an answer.

The problem with my answer is that many people won’t have the guts, resilience and mental toughness to even try it once they hear what it is. Which is completely fine, because I’m not writing this for them anyway.

For the rest of us, read on. [Read more…]

 

The Illusion of Better

Yeah…I’m guessing that this guy probably thinks that he’s better than you.

Here is what I believe.

If you’re the type of guy/gal who is super sweet and nice to the CEO (or any executive) of your company, but you also consistently treat the janitors or the front line staff in your company like crap, then there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re a horrible person.

Yeah, I said it.

Sadly, I’m starting to lose count of the amount of people who I encounter at work, and outside of work, who act this way. It’s sickening, it’s destructive, and most of all, it has to stop.

So, why do some people act this way?

From what I’ve seen, it all comes to down to one destructive belief:

The Illusion of Better. [Read more…]

 

After the Slash

Choose wisely.

There is nothing more important in the world than this. When you’re done reading this post, I’m confident that you’ll agree with me.

Your happiness, success, your health, the job of your dreams, inner peace, true love, even your sanity depends solely on this one thing.

It’s called the slash, and you cannot live another moment without a full understanding of its power over your life.

Strangely enough, you’ve probably never heard of it until now. Stranger than that, is the fact that you use it multiple times a day without even being aware of it.

That is, until now.

In order to understand what I’m talking about, please allow me to illustrate the power of the slash in action. [Read more…]

 

When Others Want You To Stay Small

Some people want you to live small. Don't let them.

Some people want you to stay small. Don’t let them.

I’m sure that this won’t surprise you in the slightest bit, but there are quite a few “enemies of positivity” in this world.

I’ve already talked about how to tap into your “infinite fuel” to plow through the naysayers and skeptics who don’t believe that you have what it takes to reach your wildest dreams.

I’ve already talked about how to easily wipe the floor with the haters, trolls, and the other broken souls who get off on telling you how pathetic you are (they’re wrong about that, by the way.)

Unfortunately, there’s another group of people who don’t quite fit into either category, and they can wreak havoc on your happiness and sanity, if you let them.

You may work with these people, be friends with these people (which is a terrible idea, by the way), be related to these people, or you might even be married to a person who falls into this category.

These are the people who desperately want you to live a life that’s smaller than the life you’re capable of living.

The good news is that living a “small life” is a choice.

And it’s a choice that you don’t ever have to make. [Read more…]

 

Make Someone’s Day, Every Day

a portrait of a happy child

What if you could inspire this reaction in everyone you met? Well, maybe you can.

Last month I was traveling for business, and I was grabbing a bite to eat inside of an incredibly busy airport restaurant.

The guy who was serving me was visibly stressed out, sweating profusely, and became extremely flustered when I asked him basic questions about the menu. So, I put the menu down and looked him in the eye and gently asked him a question.

“Hey man, not to pry…but, are you okay?”

It was crazy–just the act of asking him that simple question changed his entire demeanor. It was like a 50 lb weight was lifted off of his back.

He sighed, and then he told me that he just started at the restaurant yesterday and that this was his first shift alone. He then shared how much he needed this job, and how determined he was not to screw up this opportunity, even though he (admittedly) barely knew what was on the menu.

Unfortunately, we didn’t chat for very long because he was being pulled in every direction by all of the customers he was serving–many of which, were not very kind or patient with him.

I felt terrible for him–he was clearly trying his best, and I wanted to do something to help. So, when my bill came, I left him a tip that was more than the price of the meal (in case you’re mistaking me for a big baller, it was only $20), and a note that said:

“Remember, with everything that’s new, it’s always hard before it’s easy. Hang in there–you got this!”

Afterward, I went to the restroom, and as I walked out of the restroom and headed out of the restaurant to catch my flight, I was practically tackled by my waiter.

I still can hear the enthusiasm in his voice as he gave me a hug, “Duuuuuuuude! Thank you so much! That was so cool of you–you just made my day!”

And because of that, my day was made too. [Read more…]